


Healing hands

by Alexasnow



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Not Beta Read, Smut, Violence, before the start of dragon age 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:24:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexasnow/pseuds/Alexasnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You wind up working for a healer in dark town, you cant deny he is charismatic, and handsome. Things become very complicated for you, and all you wanted to do was help others</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

You had been apprentice to Anders for some time, you were happy to help him make a difference in the clinic. Helping those who were in desperate need, and couldn’t afford proper care, you were glad your friend had suggested you join her on a walk through kirkwall. You knew at night it wasn’t the safest of places, and you both happened upon a man in dire need, he had been mugged, and they had left him in terrible shape. You could still recall how bruised and battered his face was, it misted your eyes, you felt sorrowful to watch him struggle. But he was eternally grateful you stopped as every other passer by had run from his cries for aid. You friend told you of the clinic in darktown, so you helped him to the clinic. You helped the poor man inside, and waited for the healer to help him if he could, you had heard he was a miracle worker.

 

So when Anders stepped out, and helped you place the poor man upon the bed “It was good of you to bring him to me, you can go now, it is my turn to aid him”

 

You hadn’t noticed at all how attractive he was, as you were still concerned upon the man’s well being “No I wish to wait, I would like to see he is alright, and know his name, my conscience demands I remain until I am sure”

 

“Ok, you may wish to shield your eyes” he smiled.

 

You didn’t understand what he meant, until the glow emitted from his hands became bright, and blinding. You shielded your eyes a little to late, your vision mildly blurred. But you noticed he was stumbling, not look too well himself, you caught him mid sway. Unsure how you managed considering the room had become a blur “Are you ok?” you asked him.

 

“Yes, thank you, just a bit faint. And you?”

 

“My eyes are a bit blurred” you confessed with a ring of concern in your voice.

 

He aided you to a bed, told you to lie down, he took his hand over your eyes. And when you opened them again, the blur began to receded, it was then, when he was close scrutinizing your eyes, that you noticed his handsome rugged face. His fair hair long, but pulled back. His stubble only added to his obvious charm, and his smile was devastating. You felt very nervous as he looked at you “How are you eyes?” he asked leaning over you still.

 

“Fine thank you, I just realized I didn’t ask your name?” you added nervously, hoping he would back away so you could breath. He finally did, and you released the breath you had been holding, you were that nervous.

 

“It’s ok, in emergencies manners can take a back seat, my name is Anders” he smiled that smile that had began those butterflies.

 

You had not met a mage before, you had always been in awe of magic, many of your friends feared it, but not you. “This man was lucky that you found him when you did, you saved his life”

 

“I did?” you exclaimed, feeling proud of yourself, it was an amazing feeling.

 

It was then you knew you had to find a way to have that feeling again, or everyday. So you became his apprentice. And helped Denane back home when he was able, and you became fast friends, he never forgot the aid you gave him, or the risk you took to do so. Anders was pleased to have the help, and you finally felt like you had purpose. 

You had often heard Anders musing over having a cat once, when he told you the name, you had tried not to laugh, but you couldn’t hold it back. He had looked mildly offended, and you had felt rather guilty, well after you had stopped laughing. So you had been scouring the city, and you had found a cat. You had made sure if was people friendly, and had no owner you could speak of, and planned to surprise him with it.


	2. Naming the cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take your gift to anders, but it doesn't go as planned

You feared that Anders was starting to see you as just a friend, you got on well enough, and he was always friendly. But you were hoping for more, and you were hoping this gift would show him just that, anything to see him smile. So even if it didn’t work, at least it would make him happy, as he often seemed quite melancholy, and this would at the very least cheer him up.

You had been spending hours trying to chorale the cat to come with you, finally you had managed it. But the slightest noise made her cling to you tightly, you almost lost her when her claws sunk into your arm. You hissed in pain, gritting your teeth, as she had dropped from your arms, and now clung to your leg, her claws now scratching at your leg. You soldiered on through dark town, the most agonizing moment was pulling her free, she tore at your skirt, and your skin, pulling two long sets of claw marks deep into your leg. You yelped, she was now restless in your arms.

You had hoped to come in looking calm, and have the cat as a surprise, but her meowing, and hissing gave her away. And by the time you got to anders you looked harassed, and winced in pain, as the claw marks burned. Anders looked up to see you coming in, he almost laughed out loud you were quite a sight.

“What happened to you?” He smirked.

“I was trying to make it a surprise, I found you a cat”

“Oh my god really, come here girl” he called softly.

The cat calmed down, and went to him. Why couldn’t she have been that co-operative with you, you thought bitterly. Staring harshly at the cat, while Anders showered her with affection, taking her to the milk dish, and showing her her new home.

You leant against the wall, you had forgotten the claw marks, you winced as the flesh burned as a reminder.

“Are you ok?” He asked regarding you with a smile, as the cat was busy strutting around like she now owned the place.

“Yes, she decided I was to be her scratching post on the way here, it’s nothing” you stressed.

He patted one of the sick cots, calling you over, you sat at the edge. “So where did she get you? I am a healer, but I can’t help if I don’t know where the injury is” he pressed, looking more cheerful than you had seen him in months, so your plan had succeeded on some level.

You felt embarrassed, you didn’t want to say, or show him, but he was insistent, and staring at you impatiently. You pulled up the side of skirt, revealing the deep scratch marks cut into your thigh, you blushed.

“Well in her defense it’s a lovely leg I see why she was drawn to it” he smiled flirtatiously.

This was not how you planned it, but his hands where on your thigh, as his fingers rubbed in a salve, you tried not to tremble, so you closed you eyes, hoping it would just pass for pain. But you were beginning to feel aroused by his proximity, standing between your legs, you leant back, his fingers working the salve in to scratches. The pain aside this was more than you had hoped for, you hoped his hands would continue there path up your thigh.

“All done” he stated, you opened your eyes suddenly.

He had not yet moved away, so you quipped “well it’s not everyday a handsome man has his hands on my thigh” you hoped this sounded flirtatious, or at least funny.

Anders breathing grew a little heavier, he realized his hands had yet to leave your leg. The tension that grew between you was intense, he still had not moved his hands away, or pulled your skirt back down. His eyes locked upon yours, he closed his eyes, and pulled away suddenly.

“Did I say something wrong?” You asked feeling confused, and foolish.

“No not all” he assured you.

“I have made a fool of myself haven’t I?” you stated sadly.

“No not at all” he repeated, but he was no longer making eye contact.

“I should go” you muttered wanting to leave, desperate to escape this moment, and the growing shame within you.

Anders growled as if compelled to give you an explanation of some kind “if this was but a few years ago I would have taken you right there, you are a very beautiful woman, with a heart of gold. You genuinely care for the plight of others no matter their race, But things are different for me, I can’t be that man anymore, I am not that man anymore” he sighed.

“What has changed?” You found yourself asking.

“I can’t tell you, just know that it is not something you would want in your life”

You were about to ask more questions, when Anders cut you off and begged “please drop it”

You could tell how serious he was, his eyes were pleading you, and his expression was the picture of panic, so you didn’t press him further, but you felt sad, and foolish by the whole incident.

You remained quiet, and only spoke to patients, Anders looked distracted, and sad once more. You felt guilty for putting him back into his that state of mind, you just had to push it you admonished yourself. You had ruined what would have normally been the best part of your day, depending on what came though the door, as there were bad days.

By the end of the day you decided to try an break the uneasy tension, as you just couldn’t take it any longer “can I ask you one favor?” You tried to sound jovial.

“What?” Anders looked to you suspiciously, hoping it hadn’t been a mistake to ask, a set up to press him further.

“Can I name the cat, I am not calling her miss pounce a lot” you smiled.

Finally he laughed, and smiled again quipping “deal”


	3. Finding out the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make a mistake, which uncovers anders secret

You were still feeling rather embarrassed about your flirtation with Anders, he had assure you it wasn’t you, but you had a nagging feeling it was you. Your awkward flirtations had rarely won men over, especially of late, you seemed less assured, and less confident, so you were less articulate to the point of losing your words. You had hoped this was a phase, and you would soon find it effortless again, but it seemed unending, you just couldn’t connect with any male of any species. You weren’t looking forward to going in to see him today, as you knew it would be awkward, you were hoping the cat could provide a topic of conversation to avoid that expansive silence that had reigned yesterday. Walking your usual route through dark town, you stumbled upon what looked like a group surrounding a singular man. You knew you should keep your nose out, but the words escaped your mouth before you could take them back “What is going on here?”

“Nothing you need concern yourself with” A deep voice hissed.

The man in amongst the group, his eyes pleading with you to not leave him to their mercy. He looked their equal, but he was outnumbered, and his manner seemed softer than theirs. They all looked the stereotype of thugs, scarred in all manner, some thin and weasely, only tough in a group, and the leader articulate but menacing, with one man built like a tank, with a cold glare. You stood firm, trying to stare them down, but you were losing your nerve, you were petrified, as was the poor man in the middle of them. Your heart was pounding, you balled your hands into fists to stop them shaking.

“You always stick your nose were it don’t belong love?” The obvious leader posed intimidatingly.

“No” you responded in a squeak.

This show of fear, caused a wicked grin to cross their faces, the leader approaching you, towering over you “So you want to share his fate do you?”

You gulped, thinking no, but being to afraid to speak. You just looked up at him, praying your shaking was not visible. You felt guilty as your urge was to run, but you did not have the capacity to do so.

“This mage is an apostate, he owes me money, and the ransom for handing him over is worth for than he can give. So I am handing him over, and he doesn’t want to go, I don’t care for his kind, so I have no issue handing him to the Templars, do you?”

You just looked at him, still unable to form words. You could only stare, your eyes wide, feeling cornered by your good intentions, and the dangerous thugs. “Right seeming as you have nothing to say, I am going to wait here with you while boys take him away”

He gripped your arm tightly “You are going to wait here quietly” he warned.

The mage kicked, and screamed, until they were forced to knock him unconscious. You just watched helplessly as they dragged him away, your fear held you still, and silent. You felt terrible, but you were also relieved this thug wasn’t interesting in hurting you, only your silence. He threatened you to remain quiet, and if you did not he would kill you, he had seen you before, he knew where you worked. He released you, and followed after his men, you dropped to the floor, your legs unsteady, you wept silently for a time before you found you could move. You slowly made your way to the clinic, afraid to walk all the way back alone, but you didn’t wasn’t to see Anders, you feared you would break down, and tell him everything.

You stepped into the clinic shaken, trying hard to step one foot in front of the other. Anders was busy with the cat, you hoped he wouldn’t notice you until you got your bearings back, and this infernal shaking subsided. “Are you alright?” he asked, closer than you realised.

You were startled, you held to your chest. Looking up at him you felt the tears welling up in your eyes, you looked around there were no patients. You hated being emotional in public, but you couldn’t hold it back. You wept, then the words ran free of your mouth, forgetting the threat until you had told him everything. It was only when you looked back up, your eyes burning from the tears, you thought you were seeing things, he seemed to have a blue aura. And was now questioning you in a voice that was not his own “Where did they go?” he demanded.

You were speechless, you had no idea as to what was going on. He called you again to answer him “I don’t know” you stammered.

Today really wasn’t your day, first your attempt at being a good Samaritan had failed, and now Anders was not himself. The fear once again rose up in you, he was stalking over to you. You were backing away slowly, until you were out of room, and he raised his hand, the blue aura growing brighter. “Anders please don’t hurt me, I don’t know where they took him, I don’t know” you cried as you finally found your voice.

The blue aura flashed away, and he staggered back. Anders looked horrified, looking to his hands, he cried for you to leave. You didn’t need to be told twice, you forgot about the thugs, and ran all the way home, slamming the door on the world, wanting to forget the days events. You were confused, and frightened of the change you saw in Anders, you had felt more in danger from him than the thugs, this made no sense, what you had seen was not sinking in. You also felt a hatred for yourself, you felt a coward for not having the courage to speak up for the poor mage, but then how would that have ended, you were not a good fighter, you were a healer. You curled up in ball, and after the stress and exhaustion took over from the adrenaline, you drifted into an uneasy sleep.


	4. Fear and confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find the courage to return, only for things to become more complicated

You didn’t get the courage to return to the clinic for days, you felt immense guilt, all the people you weren’t helping. But each time you felt your self pulled toward dark town, you recalled the fear you had felt when Anders lifted his hand, you had thought you were done for.

You were still shocked, sweet, and charming Anders was possessed in some manner, this must have been what his warning was about. You felt some curiosity as to what had caused such a shocking transformation, he had changed back upon the sound of your voice. You were torn, you cared about him, and now on some level you feared him, or whatever had taken over him.

When you finally did return, you felt on edge as you walked in slowly, you had turned back round so many times before coming in that you were dizzy. You held to your head as you walked forward, Anders smiled, but his smile was wiped away when you flinched upon him drawing closer to you. You hadn’t meant to hurt him, but it was a reflex. He remained seated, and you were amazed at how your fear suddenly flashed into anger “What in the makers name was that Anders, you owe me an explanation” you demanded.

You had planned to avoid him, but it seems your curiosity, and irrational mind had other ideas. He looked up at you, you were now standing before him, ridged, with a stern expression, arms folded tightly. “You’re right” he sighed.

“Well then” you pressed feeling anxious to hear what he had to say for himself, remaining weary, and ready to run should you need to.

“I merged with a spirit, the spirit of justice, but it seems anything to do with mages due to my own anger he has become twisted, more resembling vengeance, and that is what you saw. I understand why you couldn’t aid the mage, out numbered and unarmed, it was dangerous enough that you intervened in the first place, I dread to think what would have happened had you stood against them. I am sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my hand, I am glad your words stayed my hand, and I am sorry you had to”

You looked at him stunned, you had not expected to get an explanation that was worth hearing. You didn’t want to forgive him, but his downcast eyes, and broken expression, forced you to feel an empathy for his plight. Anders continued to explain how it had all come to pass, you listened fearful at first, then you were enthralled, by the end your fear, and rage were waning, you hated yourself, but you wanted to comfort him. He looked confused when you embraced him, he returned your embrace stammering “I expected to see you running for the door, I am so glad you did not”

 

“Part of me wants to, and part of me doesn’t fully understand all that you have suffered, but I know you are a good man, and I trust you, if you believe you can control this, you can. I have no claim to special wisdom, I do not know what is best for you”

 

Still weary you told him you would continue to work for him, at first you were so on edge, afraid to bring justice out. But after a while you let down your guard, seeing only Anders, but remaining aware that there was indeed more to most peoples stories, than any of us know.

 

After a few weeks things normalized between you and Anders, you still had many questions, but he was a good man so you reigned them in, to show you had trust his judgement.

 

You had also been set up with a man named Cullen Rutherford, you two were so shy and awkward you hadn’t learnt a great deal beyond his sweet demeanor, and his name on your first date. Were the anxiety had the opposite effect upon you, you babbled, and told him your life story, almost. He did his best to keep up, and remain engaged with what you were telling him. At the end of the date, you both seemed unsure as to what to do next, he had walked you home, you were now unsure if he was awkward because he was nervous, or desperate to get away. But his spur of the moment passionate kiss, and asking to see you again confirmed it. You were walking on air, he was sweet, gorgeous and an amazing kisser, you felt lucky, hoping it would become more.

But he had cancelled your last date, he said it was duty calling him, you hoped it was work, and not an excuse. It had however bolstered your confidence enough, so you had become flirtatious with Anders, he responded in kind, with a sly smile, or blatant innuendo. It had made the bad days easier, and the good days more fun, it was harmless.

You wondered into the clinic feeling a little down about Cullen’s cancellation, but you would be helping those in need, no better remedy. Anders brought over Cassie, who had gone from a psycho with razor sharp claws, to a sweet ball of fur, he placed her in your lap, she purred as you stroked her head, it did help.

“You looked like you needed cheering up” Anders chirped.

You looked up at him, smiling your thanks before adding “yes Cassie helps”

“I never asked you why you named her Cassie” Anders mused.

“Simple really, the friend who was with me the day I came into the clinic with that poor man” you thought that sounded better than referring to it as that fateful day.

“Not a bad name I suppose” he stated glibly.

“Oh and I suppose you would have a better name for her” you teased.

“Of course, Mage guard meow the third”

“You just made that up” you laughed.

“No, not at all" he feigned shock.

“I am not calling her that” you smiled.

“Well at least we cheered you up, so I am calling that a success” he smiled sweetly.

You had not told Anders about Cullen, and you now trusted each other enough to tell each other everything. You told yourself it was because you weren’t serious as yet, one date, one kiss, you didn’t need to mention that. But you knew it was because you still had feelings for Anders, he worked tirelessly to aid others, and the mage cause, you found that to be one of his best qualities. His smile, and flirtations still made you a little nervous, just not so much to lose your nerve, or blush obviously.

Cassie curled up in your lap, and you stroked her soft fuzzy head until she deigned to move. You wondered over to Anders, sitting down next to him on the sick bed. “What are you thinking about?” you pressed, as he was sitting with his eyes closed, and a large grin upon his face.

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he sighed happily.

 

“Yes, today has been a slow day thankfully, so come on share” you continued to press him, your curiosity peaked.

 

“Well I had a dream last night, about you”

 

You had hoped it would be something in reference to you, but you hadn’t actually believed it would be, your cheeks flushed.

 

“You asked” he teased, noticing how red you were slowly becoming. “would you like to know all the things we got up to” he purred, enjoying how nervous you were becoming as he continued.

 

“No, its ok” you squeaked.

 

His proximity was feeling as nerve racking as the day you brought him Cassie. His eyes were boring into you, you could feel it, you were unable to turn to look at him, so he continued. “Well to be fair its all your fault really” he stated jovially.

 

“How?” you puzzled.

 

“Well all of your teasing, and flirting with me is hard to forget, I am a man as well you know, and you have been giving me ideas, and that dress your wearing reveals just enough, leaving just enough to the imagination,and I have to say I like what I see” his voice was taking on a seductive quality, now you knew this was going beyond harmless flirtation, this was making you nervous. He hooked his fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him. “I cant hold back any longer, I want that dream to be reality” he growled.

 

It all happened so fast, he pulled you under him, his forceful kiss finding your lips, his weight pressing urgently upon you. You found yourself returning his passion, to which he responded with loud groans, sliding his hand under your skirt, snaking his fingers up your thigh, playing with the material of your panties. His groans aroused you, you took your fingers to his face, tracing his cheeks. He pushed his tongue into your mouth, teasing yours playfully, sucking gently. Your back was arching forcing your bodies even closer together. He growled as began to grind against you, his fingers pushing to get between your legs.

 

“I need a healer” some one cried urgently, breaking that delicious moment, but the two of you managed to pull apart, and be professional, aiding the poor man’s son, who had obviously been on the end of a vicious beating. You didn’t ask questions, just aided him as best as you both could, by the time he left it was almost as if it had never happened, psychological trauma aside. They left quickly, thanking Anders, and You as they made a hasty exit. You were mildly suspicious, but there was nothing you could do, just help the injured, their personal business was their own, unless they cared to share it.

 

After Anders finished cleaning up, he made a beeline for you “Shall we continue were we left off?” he purred. Pulling you to him, kissing your neck softly, you closed your eyes, you wanted him, but for some reason decided now was the time to stop him, and mention Cullen, you chided yourself in your head, but your conscience eased.

 

“One date hardly means you two are exclusive, we can still enjoy each other, see were it goes” he smiled.

 

His smile made your butterflies return, and that passion had been something else. “I know but I don’t like to string men along”

 

“How come you haven’t mentioned, what’s his name before? Hmm” he teased.

 

“Cullen you mean”

 

“Cullen” he cried.

 

“Why what is it?” you felt worried by his reaction.

 

“Do you not know what he is?” his eyes sparking blue, as justice Vied for control.

 

“No Anders, we have only seen each other once, and I was so nervous that I did all the talking, why what is he?” you cried, hoping to appeal to Anders, not justice.

 

“He is a templar” Anders eyes returned to normal. His expression was stern.

 

“I had no idea, a friend set us up, he seemed very sweet”

 

“I am sure he does if your not a mage, you didn’t mention me did you?” he questioned.

 

“No, I didn't” you stated knowing you had avoided mentioning Anders, due to your confusion over your feelings, but it was pretty clear, you still more than wanted him.

 

“You cant date a templar, and work for me, so it really has to be up to you, me or him. You chose him do not turn up tomorrow” he cautioned.

 

You were in a tail spin, only moments ago you were getting everything you had wanted, and now you risked losing a job that had given you purpose, and a man that you enjoyed having in your life, despite justice.

Cullen was so new to you, you didn’t know if there was a future, so was it worth the risk? He asked you to leave, you told him you were sorry, and that you really had no idea again, he assured you that he believed you, but he repeated his ultimatum, he looked annoyed, and confused by your choice of partner.

You walked home, and had made your mind up, but when you reached your door you found roses, and a note, surprised they had not been stolen. The card read ‘I would rather be with you tonight, hope to see you again soon ,love Cullen’

 

“Maker damn you Cullen” you hissed under your breath, this wasn’t going to be so easy.


	5. The choice is yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make your decision, and it is not an easy task

As you made your way to the gallows, you had cast an eye to the sweet words written by Cullen, you felt torn, but you could not let go of all the good you could do in the clinic. You steeled your nerve, but the gallows itself was an intimidating place to be, even though you knew you were in no danger it was a fearful place, all about it was create an atmosphere of intimidation and fear. How could one so gentle be found in such a place you wondered, you saw him standing guard by the templar hall, in full uniform, he stood proud, and you tried to chase away the smile that spread across your face, but you to no avail, you couldn't deny he looked devilishly handsome. While the smile that crossed his face upon your arrival revealed the gentle should within, which only made you falter upon your intent.

"This is unexpected, but I mean that it is nice to see you, what brings you here?" he asked so nervously, that you could feel yourself waiver.

You cast your sad eyes to him, and it was as if he knew, his eyes widened, he gulped, his stance stiffened as if preparing for the worst. You could barely get the words out, he was not the monster Anders would have you cast him as, he was a man, and a good one. "I am here to see you" you began vaguely.

Cullen's eyes no longer fearful, but curious, you chided yourself for not just getting to the point, giving him a false hope. "I have friends who are mages, and they do not wish for me to continue seeing you, I.." you could not continue, you felt that was enough, be it the more cowardly statement.

"Ah it seems that this role would seek to take more from me" he added sadly after a lengthy tense silence.

"I have no issue with your being a templar, but it would destroy relationships I hold dear, I feel torn" you stated honestly ringing your hands nervously.

"It's ok, I understand, not all are comfortable with what I do, I myself included at times" he whispered, casting a weary eye to his nearby colleagues, should they be listening. 

Him being so understanding, only made your heart ache. "I wish things could be different" you stressed.

"As do I" he stated wistfully. "Could I at least remain a friend to you?, or must I lose you entirely?" you could tell by his expression that he had not intended to say it in that manner, but it was out there now. 

You found you did not wish to lose him entirely, so you agreed to remain friends with him, he looked relieved, and pained by this, as did you. You remained conversing with Cullen about his day, he was animated and forthcoming, but you wished you had not lingered, as getting to know him only added to the misery of the difficult choice you had made, muddying the waters, seeing him in a different light even with his templar uniform. He was just intent to know more of you, you felt you had shared too much of yourself upon your first date "Ah no I think I told you everything already" you stated shyly recalling your babbling.

"I found your rambling quite adorable" Cullen smiled sweetly.

"So I wish to know more of you, it is only fair, as friendships are equal are they not" you remarked.

"Ah yes I do seem intent to forget that point" he admitted with a degree of sorrow. You thought to yourself as do I. 

You found that it seemed difficult to avoid any flirtation with Cullen, as he was confident and shy in equal measure, both intrigued you, and made you wich to know more. Still so torn, you felt like you had been backed into a corner and forced to make a choice. This stirred a rage within you, and after you said your sad goodbyes, watching his shoulders slump, lit the fire within you. You stormed into dark town, marching up to Anders who was tending to Cassie, looking adorably sweet, even this couldn't hold back the storm brewing.

"How dare you give me an ultimatum, forcing me to choose, I hurt an innocent man" you growled.

"Innocent?" he reflected, looking to you quizzically.

"Yes his role does not define him, you wish yours to not define you" you snapped.

"I haven't seen you like this before, you do look beautiful when your cross, and crossing your arms so tightly is only drawing my eyes away from your face, I assume this was not your intent" he teased. Enjoying watching you become completely flustered, and unsure as to what to say next.

That bastard wasn't going to charm his way out of this one, your rage burned a new. "You think that you can charm your way out of this?" you hissed accusingly.

Anders being so unaffected by your anger, and remaining so calm, only infuriated you further. "Well, I am glad you chose me, and see nothing wrong with an apostate wanting to avoid Templar eyes" he stated so reasonably, you felt your rage ebb away.

You both had good points, neither of you willing to concede, there would be no victory here, and you had no intent upon revealing that you were remaining friends with Cullen, so you fell silent. 

"I am glad that you chose me, I don't know what I would have done had you not returned. I like having you around" he remarked off hand.

"Yes, I am just a human equivalent to your cat" you dismissed as you stewed in your annoyance.

"No you are much more than that, your kind, beautiful, and have the makings of great healer, as when my magic has failed, your initiative, and quick thinking has saved lives" he rounded toward you, you pulled away at first, but he backed you to a corner, and forced you into an uncomfortable embraced "Thank you truly, I am glad your here" he kissed the top of your head.

You relaxed into his warm, and welcoming embrace. As he pulled you closer, all the anger melted away, you had not expected him to be so genuine, and heartfelt in his words. You had expected him to try and charm his way out of any explanation, but annoyingly so he had been both reasonable and kind. You sighed heavily, still recalling the sadness in Cullen's expression, you wish you could have avoided that.


	6. To get you alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders has his own ideas

The night passed awkwardly yet you made a difference, you got to aid those in need. You were weary, it had been a long, anxiety provoking day, you had lived upon the last of your frayed nerves. You envied Anders as he looked so relaxed, like nothing could shake him. Maybe having a spirit within you steeled your nerves, and resolved your purpose. You wished things were clear, you felt as though you had dived into the murkiest of waters, not much was clear to you, you could see Anders, yet you wondered if the image was merely one you constructed, a charming, kind Mage, wishing only for equality, it couldn't be so simple. 

Anders noticed you staring "If looks could kill, I would surely perish, but at least it would be under the gaze of a beautiful woman" he smiled.

You shook your head, and raised your eyes, all pretty words, but what of action you wondered, yet you were too shy to reveal this need to him. You lingered wondering what to do with yourself, you cast your mind to Cullen, wondering how he was doing. You were glad that mages were not mind readers lest he see in to your thoughts, and see your affection for the Templar was weakened but it remained.

You sought out Cassie, she always provided unexpected comfort, as you had always hated cats, and at first the feeling had been mutual, but now you were accustomed to one another. You found her strutting about, eyeing the room as if a queen looking over her kingdom.

"Your royal highness" you mock bowed. Grinning at your childish behaviour, but finding enjoyment within it, a smile eased across your face. Cassie sauntered over to you, gracing you with her presence, you giggled. She took to your arms, you found her fur soft and velvety under your gentle touch, she purred, the sound was soothing. You took to one of the empty sick beds, sitting at the edge, swinging your legs idly. You held to Cassie, enjoying the comfort she brought you. "She is quite taken with you" Anders observed. "She isn't the only one, you know how I feel, I confess I felt jealous when you mentioned dating another man, how far did our Templar get?" He pressed.

"We kissed" you offered precious little detail.

He laughed, before his expression changed "well when I get you to myself I do not intend to be so gentlemanly, I intend to do everything I have dreamed, and more" he stated seductively.

You observed Anders through your lashes, feeling more comfortable with fleeting eye contact, than the intense gaze he was trying to catch you in. You clung to Cassie, trying to hid behind her, but she had other ideas, leaping free of your arms. You felt vulnerable as he drew closer, finally resting his hands upon your bare knees. You look to Cassie as if she was a traitor, you had wanted her to remain, you felt all too nervous now, and it would soon show. You gulped when he said "oh would you look that, we are alone"

You shifted nervously realising you were on a bed, your heart lurched, as he leant toward you, splaying his fingers, and sliding them up your thighs. You gasped, which caused your head to jerk up, you were not intending to meet his eyes, but as you did, he caught you in a wanting gaze, you felt unable to look away, nor did you want to. He was drawing you in, his eyes openly admiring you, his eyes lingering upon your heaving bosom, and then locking back upon your eyes, he looked drunk upon his desire. His hands sliding back to your knees, pushing them apart, sliding himself between to pull closer, hooking his fingers under your knees, pulling you against him. Your breath hitched when he gripped the back of your neck, he held your lips dangerously close, the energy coursing through you, you tried to push forward but he held you in limbo, a devilish smile crossed his lips, he was enjoying making you wait. You savoured the warmth of his breath upon your waiting lips, his fingers meshed, and wound around your hair, he pulled gently, arching your head back, giving him clear access to your neck, his heated breath teased around your ear only so he could whisper "I intend to enjoy this to the fullest, savour every kiss, and caress" his voice so soft. 

His lips pressed gently to the nape of your neck, placing long lingering kisses down to the edge of shoulder, a knowing smile danced upon his lips as he took to the opposite side with relish, each soft cry of delight tightened his grip upon your hair, pulling a little more harshly each time, until your scalp was burning ever so slightly. He released your hair, you pulled back up to meet his intense gaze, this time he allowed you to move, you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling his lips to yours, they were so soft, teasing at yours, he sucked gently at your bottom lip. As the kiss was resealed with a greater passion, he pushed his tongue between your lips, enjoying the taste of you, your tongues teased at each other’s. His other hand was busy edging down your panties, as he played with the material between his fingers, you gasped into his mouth, the anticipation was building within you, of the greater pleasures to come. The kiss alone was divine, the warmth of his mouth, the tingling feeling continued to rush through you as his tongue tangled with yours.

He broke the kiss, pulling your panties down your legs, his wicked grin spoke of delicious possibilities. "Anders" you breathed heavily.

He dropped to his knees, not before he removed his coat, and tunic, revealing his lithe physique, his shoulders broad, and the definition to his muscles showed he was more than able to defend himself. He dragged you to the edge of the bed, teasing your wet folds with his warm and soft tongue. You trembled; this led to him tightening his grip upon your hips, pulling you closer as he buried his tongue inside you, pushing in, tasting, and teasing you with a multitude of sensations. Your back arched against the bed as you lay back, gripping to the sheets, tightening your grip with each new thrill that delighted your body. His tongue was darting in and out of your dripping sex, your arousal coating his waiting tongue, he lapped up your juices, devouring you with fervour. This increase in pressure hitched your heavy breath, as the build to climax finally reached its peak, your cries rang out throughout the clinic, you groaned his name as he continued to tease you, unrelenting even as your hips bucked with the height of your pleasure. He only stopped when you cried out once more, feeling another delightful climax rush through you.

You pulled up slowly unsure of your balance as your felt a little giddy with heady pleasure of the moment. He pulled up, you dragged him to you, taking his lips hungrily, tasting your own arousal, sweet and bitter. Your hands released his shoulders, tracing down his sides, he moaned softly. Your hands slowly found there way to his hard cock, the precum coating the tips of your fingers as you traced his shaft slowly. Enjoying each hiss, and exclamation of “Fuck”

You tightening your grip around his throbbing cock, pumping slowly, paying extra attention to the head with your fingertips. He grabbed your wrist “Please stop” he gasped.

You released him, mildly disappointed to let him resume control. That did not last, as he pressed his cock to your entrance, you gripped his shoulders in anticipation. He pushed inside you slowly allowing you time to accommodate him, he continued this slow and gentle motion, he continued to kiss your lips. But soon he broke the kiss, and the slow gentle rhythm turned toward a more frantic need. He pulled your legs upon his shoulders, gripping your hips tightly as he pushed deeper. The mild pain faded as his forceful rhythm continued, pulling out slowly, then slamming into. This friction delighted you both, as the pleasure drew him close to release, he fucked you mercilessly until he cried out, his warmth filling you, and a satisfied smile crossed his lips. His breath was heavy, the aftershocks delighting him, as his cock pulsed within you.

He pulled out slowly, dressing quickly. Aiding you to do the same, both of you sat and waited to see if any other poor soul would be in need of your aid. In that silent waiting you both shared knowing glances, and wry grins. You had both wanted it, and needed it.

A few minor injuries floated into the clinic seeking relief, before you left you kissed Anders softly goodbye, hoping this could be something. A little giddy there was a skip in your step, but you stopped dead when you saw a Templar guard at your door, you swallowed wondering what you had done wrong, feeling strangely guilty.

“Why are you here?” you pressed tentatively.

“Commander Cullen said you would help us, there are no other healers, at least none who will aid us” the guard stated with frustration.

You rushed inside, you felt a rush of relief when you saw Cullen was not gravely injured. He ran over to you, seeing your look of concern he stated “No my injury is minor, please aid Meredith”

You realised upon hearing her name that she was the head of the Templar order in Kirkwall, and she was wounded, and in your home, seeking your aid. You couldn’t bring yourself to say no to aiding another, but as you lay your eyes upon her, pale, and in pain, you wondered if you could draw an end to this torturous battle of wills between the mages, and Templars by simply doing nothing, could you live with yourself denying her aid.


	7. To heal or not to heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are left with two options, help or refuse, either carries its own consequences

There was no time for discussion as the urgency of the situation was as obvious as the tension in the room. The Templar’s looked as if they didn’t know what to say or do. You were amazed that none of them had medical training of some kind, but you still hoped that one of them could do something and take this dilemma out of your hands.

You looked around at their panicked faces and exclaimed, "Surly one of you is more qualified to aid her?"

The Templar standing closest to Meredith confessed, "Sadly not miss, and the healer we had used in the gallows has fallen ill himself. She doesn't trust magic enough to let a mage near her and not one of them would aid her. So when Cullen spoke of you, we knew you were our only choice."

"What happened?" You inquired hoping that something would give you an indication as to what had occurred.

"It was the strangest thing, she was fine at first, she was talking about discipline then she staggered, and before we knew it she on the ground. She faded in and out before she could no longer be roused. We feared her dead but you could feel weak breath escaping. Once we had run out of ideas Cullen mentioned you. You helped people and you were no mage."

"She just fell to the ground," You repeated with exasperation. That had told you nothing but you knew it wasn't his fault and you were no expert, barely even a novice.

"Maybe some noticed more than I did," He looked to his fellow Templar’s.

The silence that fell lead you to believe that no one had any more to add so you would have to make your most educated guess and maybe kill someone in the process. You felt terrified as you approached Meredith. You looked down at her, hoping for there to be some visible signs for you to work with. But all you could see was that she no longer looked high and mighty, she looked fragile. Her brow was covered in sweat, her skin pale. No armor to hide behind, she was like everyone else. A darker part of you wanted to run to Anders to tell him about what was going on and leave her to suffer, but you found you couldn't move. You were better than that, better than her, you had to be. Your hands were anything but steady, you turned to Cullen, his eyes hopeful. "I am not an experienced healer I can promise nothing," you warned him in a tone as shaky as your hands.

"We are grateful that you are willing to try," He remarked as if speaking for all present.

They were truly desperate. You filled a small bowl with water and took your time washing your hands. You felt an enormous pressure upon your shoulders, were you even good enough to save her? You returned to Meredith's side, taking your hand to her forehead, she was burning up. You had seen few people in such a state. Those you had seen gripped by such a fever were fighting off some kind of toxin in the body.

"Did she drink anything?" You pressed an anxious looking at Cullen. You felt more comfortable talking to Cullen than any of the other Templar inside your home, as they were strangers to you.

"Not that I aware of I only saw her drink the same water that we all drank." He remarked with a vein pulsing in his forehead as if he had forced the thought to mind.

What else could it be? You wracked your brain for answers. You leant a little closer and noted a strange smell, edging up her shirt you revealed an old wound that somehow appeared fresh and pained, the skin was inflamed.

You could see and smell that old wound was not healing, you had seen this before, it was infected. 

"Give me a blade," you exclaimed.

With the blade cleaned and placed in your hand, you took a deep breath and steadied your hand as best as you could before re-opening the poorly healed wound. The foul smell became putrid, you barely held the bile from rising in your throat. The wound was infected, the puss oozed out freely. It took some time to clean the wound fully. Your arms were heavy by the time you could see healthy skin. You stitched her up as best as you could not being an experienced healer had made the whole ordeal nerve wracking. You wondered if you were doing it right or whether you have missed anything but sadly only time would tell.

You left Meredith's side feeling exhausted. You felt like were under house arrest until Meredith stirred from the fever that still gripped her. Each Templar eyes were upon you and you had no idea what to say to them, you couldn't assure yourself so what could you say to them? So you took making potions and poultices for healing and pain under the watchful eye of the Templar’s who had made your home their own, it was starting to no longer felt like home to you. Not all of them were cold but they were not especially talkative, you could only assume they were as anxious as you. The only Templar who was willing to ask how you were feeling was Cullen. You were hiding away in a small room to the side when he walked in, his expression was stern but his eyes were gentle went they met yours. He closed the door over and dropped into the seat at your side and sighed heavily. 

"Has she stirred yet?" you asked fearing the answer.

"Not yet," his tone was somber.

His hand grasped at yours as if you both feared the consequences of your actions, he had trusted you and you had gone against your gut and aided her. You wouldn't admit this to Cullen but you feared that no matter the result it would not be in your favor. Anders would understand why you had chosen to help until he found out who you had helped and if she died would the Templar’s hold you responsible or Cullen? And what would the punishment be? You had to stop thinking of possibilities as you realized that you were crushing poor Cullen’s fingers, your grip had become vice like and loosened it but you were not ready to let go of the comfort his hand in yours gave you in that moment. You dropped your head to his shoulder, you didn't care that his armor was cold against your face. He released your hand and took his arm around your shoulders and squeezed you gently and whispered, "Do not worry whatever happens I will not let anything happen to you."

He was truly a good man. 

You must have drifted off for a moment, the stress had drained you. As your eyes flashed open you found yourself alone with a sheet covering you. Then you heard the exclamation, "She is awake."

How long had you been asleep? You dragged yourself up and rushed into your bedroom to find Meredith with her eyes barely open. She was still too weak to move but her eyes tracked over to you and she tried to croak something out but it was unintelligible. Her eyes closed again, but this was a good sign. You were relieved, taking your hand to her forehead you found her fever was breaking. Your relief was short lived as you realized that the Templar's may thank you but the mages would not. You had only found something you truly wanted to do and met someone you wanted to be with despite the complications but that was all in ruins, as they say, no good deed goes unpunished. 

Meredith continued to improve with additional care. Cullen was the only Templar who made having them in your home bearable, as he was appreciative and always kind. It was not that the other Templar's weren't but they seemed to expect things from you because of their uniform, and that made you a little uncomfortable and left you feeling a little used. When it was time for them to leave, they did not aid you in cleaning up what was once your home. It had been invaded and wrecked. They had taken what they needed then left. Leaving you in the aftermath. Cullen thanked you; the rest seemed to have just expected it of you as if it was your duty. As they aided a slowly healing Meredith to the door, she caught your hand and thanked you, and it seemed genuine. You were a little taken back by it, you hadn't expected her to acknowledge you at all.

You were exhausted, and you had barely slept or felt comfortable with their presence in your home. Cullen had offered comfort when he could but he seemed to feel as if his actions were to being scrutinized. You dropped against your front door and slid to the ground in a heap, you wanted no more visitors. You wanted to recover yourself, as you would now have to start from scratch. Losing Anders and your new purpose in one failed swoop. What could you do now? You felt a little aimless. Dropping your head down upon your knees as you pulled them to your chest. As your eyes took to the ground you noticed a scrap of paper. How long had that been there? You took it in hand turning it over with trepidation.

'Come to the clinic.' 

Was all it said, no sign off. Was it an order or request? You weren't sure what to do in that moment so you decided to sleep on it. Dragging yourself up, you still couldn't bring yourself to deal with the state of your bedroom, so you took to the side room recalling how comforting Cullen had been to you here, the memory gave you a small semblance of peace from the storm raging in your head. You pulled under the sheet and squeezed your eyes closed.


End file.
